While we are still dealing with our family crisis, another week has gone by.
One thing I have realised is that most people genuinely care.They ask how you are doing. They tell you they are sorry to hear the news. Some of your closest friends check in on you regularly and remind you to take a breath, rest, and not carry everything on your shoulders. And I appreciate every single one of them.
But this week I realised something else. Most of us don’t know what to do with bad news. We don’t like receiving it, hearing it or thinking about it. We want to fix it, explain it, solve it, pray it away, or move on from it as quickly as possible. The problem is that some things don’t move on quickly. Many crises don’t resolve in a day or a week. Some situations force us to live with uncertainty for much longer than we would like.
Psalm 112:7 [NIV] says, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”
When I first read that verse in 2014, I thought it meant that, as Christians, we don’t have to fear bad news, because we should not get any, like we have a ticket to skip it. Now I think it means something else: bad news is still bad news; It still shocks you when you hear it, no matter who (or Whose) you are. It still hurts and it still affects your sleep, your concentration, your emotions and sometimes even your physical health.
I think one of the reasons we struggle with bad news today is because we have become used to instant everything. Instant communication, instant information and instant entertainment. Instant solutions. We have been conditioned to expect quick results. If something is wrong, there must be a quick and easy treatment. If something is broken, there must be a quick fix. Or if something hurts, there must be a way to make the feeling go away. But REAL life doesn’t work like that.
Some things can only be lived through. The Bible paints a very different picture of life, very far removed from the past 30 odd years today. People lived in community. They grieved in community and celebrated in community. They carried burdens together. They sat with one another through loss, uncertainty and hardship.
One of the greatest losses of our generation is the loss of genuine community. We have thousands of online connections but very few people who know how to stay “present” when life becomes difficult. Many people are not only exhausted by their problems, they are exhausted by carrying them alone.
This week I had to become honest about where I am. The truth is that I am stressed. The truth is that I was shocked by the news we received. The truth is that there are nights when sleep doesn’t come easily. The truth is that concentrating has become harder than usual, so much so, that, in fact, I have had to put my phone away at times because I simply cannot afford the distraction. My mind is already carrying enough. And there are moments when I feel like I want to completely fall apart. But life doesn’t stop. There is work to do. We have children to raise and responsibilities to carry. We all have people depending on us, so we learn to cope. (Hopefully in healthy ways.)
One of my “coping” things, is that my car has become my “confessional”. (When my children were small, they would ask me why I am “shouting at the clouds” while driving, and I would expain that Mommy is just “praying very loudly”, nothing to worry about…) It’s in those moments between places — between home and work, between one responsibility and the next — that I find myself talking out loud. I say the things I need to hear myself say. That I am shocked. I am scared. I am angry. I am disappointed. I hate that this happened. I don’t know what comes next… but this is how I am feeling about it . This is what I am struggling with. This is what hurts right now. (I had much different plans for the past two weeks.)
Pretending we don’t feel it doesn’t make it disappear. We need to acknowledge the bad news, the fear, the disappointment, the grief and the uncertainty before we can process it.
Everything is still in God’s hands. Whether I trust Him with today or not. Whether I am calm or anxious, or understanding what He is doing or not. God has never given up His control. Sometimes we talk about “giving God control”, but if I am honest, I think it becomes more a case of, “God, please take back Your control of my universe, because I am not supposed to take Your place”. I cannot control tomorrow just as I cannot control other people. I cannot control every outcome. What I can do is choose whether I will trust Him while I walk through what I cannot control.
It doesn’t remove the pain or the uncertainty. It doesn’t suddenly make bad news good. But it does reminds me that while I am not powerless, neither am I able to carry this alone. And that is enough for today.
Everything is already in God’s hands. Whether I understand it or not. Whether I like it or not. Whether I trust Him completely or not. God has never lost control. The situation may have changed; the news may have shaken us. The future may feel uncertain. But God has not changed. So for now, I will keep doing the next thing in front of me. I will love my family. I will do my work. I will allow myself to be honest about what I am feeling.
And when fear starts shouting louder than everything else, I will come back to this simple truth:
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” [Psalm 56:3 NIV]